"Knudsen flinches, his eyes gape. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but Iam." Does that disgust you?" Death and destruction disgust me." He flapped his empty sleeve again."Nothing else comes close, especially not a nice, bright kid like you." Knudsen smiles, clasps my right hand with his left. It's a good gesture,not sexual, or macho, just human. I am glad I told him my secret. "You're a smart kid, and I am sure you have thought this through, but howcan you be so sure? People change as they grow. You are young." I have known that I am really a girl since I was a toddler. My malehormones can't change my heart and soul. They are already completely agirl's. But I can change the hormones." You are on estrogen? That's a pretty heavy choice for a sophomore" I didn't choose my identity. It chose me." You are choosing to take hormones." It's that, or become a freak, a man in woman's clothes, when I am older.Waiting until later to start female hormones is a choice, and for me itwould be the. Jeanette apparently saw the look that came into my eyes and gave me a very pointed look right back. “What are you planning, Mister?”Caught with no room to retreat, I said, “If they want to upset me and make me lose control, so those ... those ... those ... rats can get away with what they did to me, then I am going to be the perfect witness against them.”She saw the set of my jaw and believed it. “Ross, you are weak, sick, and very badly hurt on the inside as well as outside. They are all going to demand that we allow them to have doctors they hire examine you just like Doctor Halberstadt did. You don’t get a choice. Once they were charged, they have a right to know what evidence of abuse and rape we are bringing to court.“Are you going to be able to withstand all that?”I had a thought that might help make it all easier. “Can you ask Judge Marshall if she can make them all choose one doctor, so I only have to have one person putting their hands on and inside me? It’s so creepy and it.
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